Friday, June 28, 2013


Do you have any self-imposed boxes that you feel like you have to fit into; and when you don’t, you beat yourself up and tell yourself that you just weren't cut out this this? I didn't think that I had any until tonight.

I am a maverick! I am different, and I like being different – or do I?

I know that I always question the role that God has for my life. I am not your typical “Pastor’s Wife”. I don’t sing in the choir; I don’t play the bells or the piano; I am not meek or quiet; I am not artistic (my 4-year-old is a better painter that I am); I have no decorating skills; I am not very girly (though I do love purple and pink); I am just not what you think of when you think “Pastor’s Wife”.

I wonder, how am I going to have an impact on women’s lives? How is God going to use me for Kingdom purposes? I am not a dynamic Bible Study teacher – I hold my own, kind of, but dynamic to the point of drawing an audience of thousands I am not. I am not a very good writer. It takes me forever to get my thoughts congruent enough for someone to follow my thought process and story. I am not very humorous in my writing, and I am not consistent. I will make a blog post and then a year later vow to do better only to leave my blog empty for another year. All of the “good pastor’s wives, the good women’s ministry leaders” they have everything that I don’t have. They have dynamic testimonies. They have drama in their pasts that others can relate to. I am just – plain. How can God use plain old me for His purpose?

Tonight, I came to the realization that I am the one placing myself on the outside of a box that doesn't really exist. I have created this box in my head, and I believe that others have the same box and I am not fitting into their boxes either. I am a letdown – I am a failure. I don’t measure up. These are all things that I am telling myself. But, I do fit in - I fit perfectly into God’s plan for my life – the puzzle is flipped over so that all I see is the plain, brown cardboard, but my piece fits. I just can’t see the picture on the opposite side of the plain cardboard.

What box am I in? I am in the box that God created for me to be in. Does it have a title – not yet, but it will.

I am in the box of Christian woman, wife, mother, friend, co-worker, nurse, CrossFit addict, pastor’s wife, Bible Study teacher; the list can go on and on. I am in a box all of my own – I am in my nitch – I am exactly where I need to be even though I am not exactly sure where that is at. I can’t see the big picture, but in due time I will see the beautiful picture – the puzzle will be complete and I will see what I can’t see right now and it will be spectacular – Why? because The Creator designed it.


  1. Amen! Well put. My favorite part... "But, I do fit in - I fit perfectly into God’s plan for my life – the puzzle is flipped over so that all I see is the plain, brown cardboard, but my piece fits." As a man, father, husband, I get so sick and tired of feeling like I am not molding into the perfect fit of who "I" should be in the eyes of the world. This can leave me drained. Lately, I just let it all go and just keep listening for His still voice so I can hear him calling me and leading me to how HE wants and needs me to be. We can beat ourselves up if we try to tether our soul to the world. Thanks for your blog post. Hope I am not the only guy reading it because I think it can inspire everyone. The heck with the "box".

  2. Hello! My name is Heather and I wanted to know if you could answer my question about your blog! If you could email me at Lifesabanquet1(at)gmail(dot)com I would greatly appreciate it!